if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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