I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
