I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
