Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
