it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ugly people sure do ruin things
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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