I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
