You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
