I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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