I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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