He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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