i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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