what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
