More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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