What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
