meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
