you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
