I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
