when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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