I bet he comes in French.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
