guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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