so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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