I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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