need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
