you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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