feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
