I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
