my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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