Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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