Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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