And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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