he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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