Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
