STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
