P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
