Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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