so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dick very happy bro
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
