Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
