Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
