just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she looked like the before picture.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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