He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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