When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've blown a few things in my day
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
