I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
