Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize