My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
