omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
