Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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