He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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