I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
