I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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