No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
