My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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