just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
