Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
