Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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