...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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