I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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