Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
