i already hear my dad disowning me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
