I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
