i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
