we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
