Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
