The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
