There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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