Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
