I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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