Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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