my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
