So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
