I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
