guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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