i may or may not be watching the land before time
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
