I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
