I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
In America we eat man semen.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
