we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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