How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
