I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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