i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
