He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
