Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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